Faith, Let Go and Know

I hardly ever sit down and have nothing to write about. But it does happen occasionally. And sometimes I have written something and I know it can be better, but the rewrite magic just isn’t happening that day. These times can feel frustrating, and yes, even frightening. The trickster whispers in my ear. Thoughts of never being able to write anything again assault me. Fear of failure, fear of being a sham.

But then I have to laugh at myself. Because I know b.s. when I hear it. Especially my own. And I also know my ability to write will always come back to me. If I’m patient, and I have faith. I know it like I know the shape of my own hands. Like I know I love chocolate.

Faith has more to do with success than anything else. Even talent, I suspect. There are lots of talented people in the world who don’t have faith in themselves, and therefore will never experience success. Because they will give up on themselves during a week when the writing does not come easy. They will listen to that little voice of doubt that thrives in the absence of faith.

Faith was a long hard time coming to me. I lived much of my life in a constant state of battle readiness. Before I found faith I saw the world differently. As an adversary. Something to be withstood and on guard against. Everything had to be perfect and under control. I did things fast and made snap decisions. I was highly competent at my day job, but hated almost every day I had to go to work.

Then something happened. One day I was driving home after a deal had gone to the very deep south. It was a big one and would’ve meant a lot of money. And I found I didn’t care. I had worked hard to close the deal and I would have liked to close it. But it really didn’t matter. I looked through the windshield of my car and noticed the trees were greener than usual, and the sky was the perfect blue of a robin’s egg, and something loosened in my chest and in that moment—I was blissfully happy. Just to be alive.

It wasn’t any one incident, though. But a slow accretion of insights and synchronicities. Over time I became who I am meant to be. Fully, completely.

I’m not going to share every detail with you. It’s personal. But I want you to know: there’s something deeper, something you may not know about, may not even have suspected. And it has to do with you. There’s only one of you. You are a unique expression. In all the dawn’s of humankind there will only be one who is exactly you. We are like snowflakes. And just as temporary in this incarnation.

Think about that…

If you haven’t found it already, your deepest self is waiting to be found. Waiting for you to come home to the knowledge of who you really are. It can be found in a place beyond religion, beyond politics, beyond the idea of national borders.

And when you find it you’ll know. And you’ll never be afraid of failure again. The blank page will cease to be scary.

Writer’s block? You’ll laugh at it. You’ll see right through it. You’ll eat a sandwich and take a nap, knowing when you wake up you’ll be on fire to write, the muse will whisper to you and the words will flow from your fingertips.